.story of a lovely afternoon.

"This one!! This is the BEST one!!!"

Beautiful Christmas quilt from my childhood received this week in a care package from my sweet mom.

Gotta love friends who can grab a saw from home on their way over for dinner!

Going on in this picture: ornament-making, stocking-sewing, and 4th grade math homework.

This was totally candid and made me happy when I saw it on the camera. I believe I was admiring an ornament A made for my tree out of truck fabric!

Miss Erica was an awesome decorator and photographer- and also brought me a gorgeous ornament she MADE shaped like a little book, "because I know you like books".

So grateful for friends who fill my little house with joy and with help decorating and celebrating (and with ornaments and stockings).

Grateful for a tree filled with lights and wreaths in every window.

Also found this pic on my camera at the end of the night. :-)

.God comes.

"the king of all kings lay thus in lowly manger,

in all our trials born to be our friend

He knows our need

our weakness is no stranger

behold your King!

before Him lowly bend"

-from "O Holy Night"

grateful tonight for Christmas carols; for the reassurance of His nearness this season brings.

i got to drive 400 of the most beautiful miles i know today (see pic).

.happy two days after thanksgiving.

"...sometimes i need

                only to stand

                                  wherever i am

                                                     to be blessed."

-mary oliver,

"it was early"

Halloween Costumes!

What do you get when you combine a small town filled with lots of families with young kids,

a grad student with a head exploding from way too much academic work,

and a busy October for all?

You get a perfect situation,

because the grad student decompresses from school stress... by sewing.

Especially sewing fun and silly things, worn by her favorite joy-bringing small friends.

And, though I (the grad student- did you guess?!),

truly find this hard to believe,

apparently figuring out Halloween costumes is not most parents of young children's favorite thing ever??

I came to this difficult-to-understand conclusion after I kept saying,

"Are you sure you don't mind that I'm doing this??! Really, I'm not stepping on your toes??! You don't feel like I'm stealing your joy of parenthood?!!"

And they kept saying things like

"OMG THANK YOU HERE TAKE MORE MONEY FOR MATERIALS MAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT THANK YOU THANK YOU"

...You'd think it was like, a stressful time or something.

(I was informed that my lack of comprehension on this point could potentially have something to do with the fact that while the aforementioned adorable joy-bringing small friends were going back and forth on exactly what costume they wanted, getting hopped up on sugar, and feeling super tired from being up too late, I was not the one who had to do bedtime. Or parent them the next day. Aha.)

Anyway, so I am grateful that throughout the month of October, whenever I needed to feel as far from psychology textbooks as possible, I got to hit up Goodwill and the fabric store and Pinterest and get creative.

*******

Inen (4) has been announcing for months he wants to be Santa.

He LOVES Santa. He frequently "plays Santa" by sitting on the couch with the reindeer (kitchen chairs) arranged in front of him, while he chants "Go Dancer! Go Blitzen!", etc.

(Plain Hanes sweatsuit + white fur, sold by the yard at Joann Fabrics)

I lined it with candy cane fabric where I sewed on the fur, to keep it from being itchy.

And also because finding the candy cane fabric made me happy. It's the small things, dude.

We weren't sure Louisa (22 months) would actually put up with a costume for long, but I found a red velvet toddler dress at Goodwill...

and...

Meet...

Santa and Mrs. Claus!!!

(Don't you just want to EAT THEM UP???!!!! Okay, I'm sorry. This blog is totally becoming "The blog of Emily and her deep love for all of her friends' small children". But seriously. I know the cutest ones! It's not my fault!)

The Santa beard was KNIT by Korie. Because she is a ROCK STAR.

Omigosh. They were so cute.

Here they are ringing the bell at my house!! Yay!! Inen was all, "HO HO HO. I mean... trick or treat. Ho ho ho."

Please note that I had my Santa socks on for their visit. Also, that Inen's red t-shirt (not made by me) says READ. Because Korie is the town children's librarian. I'm sure it's really hard to figure out why I love them so much.

One more Inen picture, just because I love his expression here. Oh man he is fun. This is the night he was trying his costume on to see if it fit, and the whole time he had it on he insisted on referring to everyone else there as "Elf". As in, "Inen, please pick up your toys." "Okay, Elf!". "Night buddy, love you!" "I love you too, Elf!"

*******

A. (5) was very sure he wanted to be a T-REX... "A green T-rex with orange spikes and orange and black spots AND A TAIL".

Green footie pajamas (Goodwill, like $3) + cardboard cut into triangles + orange fleece sewn into triangle-shaped pockets + foam peanuts to stuff the tail...

...and you get one ferocious T-Rex.
And a really cute one, but he was much prouder of being ferocious.

(PS, I have no idea if this is really a T-rex. I just went for dinosaur. Don't tell him, he was happy with it.)

His ROARS at every house as we trick-or-treated were definitely absolutely terrifying. What a dino.

*******

Irene told me I could make whatever I wanted for M., 18 months. I think little girls dressed up like ladybugs are the cutest thing that ever happened.

Goodwill finds...

Siss was over one Sunday and did an awesome job cutting out red spots for the black dress and black spots for the red hoodie.

One crazily adorable ladybug!!

(You can just make out the black pipe cleaners her mama tied around her pigtails for antenna. It was SO FREAKIN CUTE.)

*******

Unfortunately there aren't any Will pics that actually turned out of him IN the costume, but picture those cheeks on the left...

As this scary lion.

(Yellow hoodie from Goodwill with fleece cut into strips and sewn around the hood.)

*******

I'm not sure anyone who is not related to one of these children actually read all of this,

but if you did,

thank you for letting me geek out over my sewing + children + friends fun.

Sometimes my life just feels like way more fun than should be allowed.

Fifteen Months.

I was going to do my reflection-on-the-last-year post in August, as I hit the anniversary of when I landed in this little town, stuck my best friend on a plane back east, took a deep breath and started my Oregon life. I never got around to writing it, but I thought about what I'd write. It hasn't changed in the last three months. I could write a long and sappy description of the million people who are my favorites here. I could do a detailed explanation of why I chose the church I go to and how the shape of my relationship with God has stretched and changed and grown into something I really like. But in a few basic and generalized points, I love my life here so much because...

• Every day contains meaningful work and meaningful interaction.

I thrive off of those things.

I love meaningful work, I love doing something I feel like in some small way is adding to the beauty, and is what I'm supposed to do. Every single day here, I have something to read or write that I know is a part of my calling. As stressful and/or mundane as this work may feel at the time, the constancy of my education is a blessing here to my own sense of well-being.

Life in a small town means you are seeing people you know and have relationships with everywhere. Everywhere. I can't go get my coffee in the morning without getting a hug from someone I love. Stopping by the grocery store easily involves touching base on how a test, a work evaluation, a visit, a date, a pediatrician's appointment went. A twenty-minute walk through town may involve someone returning a book they'd borrowed or being asked to hold the baby for a few minutes so a friend can run home to turn the oven off. I can't say how different this feels from my life the year before, or how, as numerous friends have told me, laughing, as I share some random crazy Newberg story, "perfect it is for you".

The consistency and the balance of those two, meaningful work and meaningful interaction, in my daily life keeps me centered and happy.

• It is beautiful here.

My daily, normal, average days include runs by farms under huge towering hills. Girlfriends and I wander arm-in-arm through vineyards on our after dinner walks. Sitting at a red light downtown I casually glance up at the mountains and the clouds low in them. I had no idea how much it would rest and feed my heart to be around natural beauty all the time.

• I was ready to be happy. I was ready to make a home. 

The year and a half before I moved here was rich and blessed, and one of the hardest times of my life. I started my first year out of college spiritually shaken and my daily relationships changed dramatically as close friends moved across the country. That year was filled with blessings and I wouldn't change a thing, but it was a stretching and lonely season in many ways. Following those months and a painful spring, I could see the fruit that had come and I was grateful... but I was also ready to be in a new place. 

I was longing to be stable. I was so very ready to just be happy.

Sometimes, it feels like this town and these vineyards and this church were here just waiting for me. A sweet surprise I didn't know was coming.

*******

This place and this life are just good for me. I love the slow pace. I love the ease of growing relationships as our daily lives intersect and intertwine. I love the beauty that surrounds me. I love the Quaker influence and the depth and peacefulness that pervades the way people do life here. I love how invited into the lives of the families of this town I've been. I love what role I get to play in their lives and the lives of their children.

I am so very grateful I landed here. It's been a wonderful fifteen months.

I said helplessly, I kinda wanna preach the gospel to you...

Because I did. Because I didn't know what else to do.

Because she was curled up on my couch crying, and there really wasn't anything else to say.

Because it's what I was thinking: that this is a big mess,

but that if our faith is true,

we know that He is bigger than the biggest mess.

That redeem means: something broken woven into something beautiful.

Because I got to talk on the phone with my best friend's little sister yesterday morning,

my special buddy who used to be ten and somehow is turning seventeen (!!) next week,

the beautiful girl whose faith and thoughtfulness has amazed me for years-

And she had been excited to tell me about a conversation she'd had.

"He didn't really understand like... Christianity.

You know, the whole story of it.

So I got to talk about the gospel with him!

I told him how Jesus died for our sins, and now we can have a relationship with Him.

It was sooo cool."

Oh right.

The gospel.

I kinda wanna preach the gospel to you,

I said helplessly,

because I did want to.

But I didn't know if it was the right thing to do.

She sniffed.

She said, "Please do."

I went and sat next to her and pulled her legs on my lap and said,

still feeling so helpless,

trying to convince myself at the same time I spoke it to her:

I said,

"That's what the gospel is.

It means nothing's so bad He can't make it good.

The whole Bible tells us that:

beauty from ashes,

life from dry bones.

That's the story through the whole freakin' thing.

Your story isn't done yet."

I said,

remembering as I spoke,

"NOTHING can separate us from God's love.

I say it like it's cross-stitched on a pillow sometimes,

but now is when it's true.

There is NOTHING that can separate you from God's love for you through Christ,

not death, not life,

not any powers,

NOT THE PAST, not the future,

NOTHING IN ALL CREATION.

The worst of sinners, He died for,

it says.

The WORST.

The gospel means we're saved by GRACE.

That means it's something we don't deserve."

*******

...And it just was the first time I've thought about that in awhile.

*******

cf: Ezekiel 37, Isaiah 61, Romans 8

*******

"there is no pit so deep
that He is not deeper still..."
-corrie ten boom

.here.

I have lived here fifteen months

and every single morning,

when I see the clouds sitting low in the hills that surround our town,

I am still shocked by their beauty.

And that I get to see them.

(Top two, from Aaron and Irene's yard.

Bottom,  on my way to school, about three blocks from my house,)

My relationship with natural beauty has been one of the biggest surprises of my life in this place.

I had absolutely no idea when I moved here

how much it would nourish my soul

to live out my everydays from within the midst of this.

One Thousand Gifts Re-read: Chapter One.

Loving this book is a cliche, but the book itself so is not. Since reading it for the first time a year and a half ago I've revisited favorite chapters and passages, but this is the first time I've actually dived back in to read straight through. So glad I am: it's just what my heart is needing. All emphases mine...

"Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude.

Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave. Isn't that the catalyst of all my sins?

Our fall was, has always been, and always will be,

that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives...

the fall: humanity's discontent with all that God freely gives."

"We were lured by the deceptions that there was more to a full life,

there was more to see."

"Living with losses,

I may choose to still say yes.

Choose to say yes to what He freely gives.

Could I live that-

the choice to open the hands

to fully receive

whatever God gives?"

Studying in a small town.

Just got this picture in my email from a friend sitting across the coffee shop.

.how You consented to enclosure.

Lord,

"...You have reminded me of my need

to anchor my soul in a place of prayer,

a place where we can come together

to worship [You].

Free me from my restless activity,

my slavery to the clock,

my habit of bobbing  along on the open sea

when You have called me to be still.

When I consider how You consented to enclosure,

in Mary's womb,

in a narrow manger,

in a carpenter's home,

on the wooden cross,

in the bread of Eucharist,

my heart is moved to seek enclosure with You.

Amen."

-gloria hutchinson,

"A Prayer of Stability"

i push against being 'enclosed' to any will but my own;

yet i need to be

to know and honor Him, to love others.

so good to remember how He has consented to enclosure

to be with us.

i find all sorts of things to do to bob along

when He has called me to be still.

this prayer was what i needed to read today.

one way He helps me get to stillness and enclosure:

prayer books. grateful for this one this week.

.home is where your mom is.

Which means Newberg has been extra home for me this week, because my mama flew out to love me for the past five days. It was the best.

Those of you who know my mother will be able to guess some of the ways it was the best. Those of you who don't can get a picture through the following (completely unexaggerated) vignettes.

*******

"Sweetie, let's go shopping!! I want to buy you absolutely anything you want."

"Aw, Mom, that's so sweet. But you don't have to."

"No really, sweetie, I WANT to. ANYthing you want. Your heart's desire!"

"Aww... okay... well actually, I have really been wanting-"

"I am not buying any books."

"Okay."

(sigh) "CLOTHING, Emily. Any piece of CLOTHING your heart desires."

"Got it."

*******

"Ooh, Em, this would look great on-"

"No."

"You haven't even tried it on-"

"No."

"Honey."

"Mom. I am not wearing a skirt that short."

"Sweetie, I just don't want you to waste your youth. Do you think you'll have legs like that forever?"

"I am not wearing a skirt that short."

"Okayyy... how about this one?"

(It's almost knee-length.)

Me (suspiciously): "That one looks nice..."

Mom (brightly): "And look, you could easily roll the waist band up two or three times!"

"No."

"Just try it and see how it looks?"

"No."

*******

"You go to a Quaker church??!! Oh, I'm so excited!"

"You are?"

"Yes! That will be so much easier to explain to people than just Christian! You know I support you no matter what, sweetie, but the whole evangelical thing really did require a LOT of self-control for me."

"Understood."

*******

"So I need to rest A LOT while I'm visiting you."

"Of course!"

"I mean really. A LOT. I need to conserve ALL my strength for going to visit Allie." (where she was heading after she saw me)

"You do? Why?" (Allie is generally considered the less-energy-required child, for reasons I completely cannot comprehend.)

"Oh, I am just PRAYING Obama wins. If he doesn't your sister is going to be INCONSOLABLE. I'm going to have to spend all my energy convincing her not to move to Canada. Can we pray that Obama wins? I'm just too tired to deal with it if the country elects a Republican the week I visit. I didn't really think through the timing of this well."

*******

"Em, while you're at work today I want to do a little bit of organization for you in your apartment! Just a little. I want to! I'll just straighten up."

A few hours later...

"So it was so strange. This man at Goodwill asked me if I was COLLECTING wicker baskets! Huh!"

I now have a window seat constructed from boxes organized seasonally,

and my clothes have been folded and sorted according to sleeve length and type of washing required.

Once I find them again I suspect this will be really helpful.

*******

I could not possibly love her more.

So grateful God gave us to each other.

.saturday morning encouragement.

I woke up to this email waiting for me, from a beautiful friend I thank God for so often.

"its late...
im reading...
i should be sleeping- but this is the kind of stuff that brings life to my heart and soul. 

I read this and decided it was meant for you, especially this week.  Hope it encourages you today and reminds you of who you are. 

"The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself:  "These feelings, strong as they may be are not telling me the truth about myself.  The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in His eyes, called the beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace....

You have to keep looking for people and places where truth is spoken and where you are reminded of your deepest identity as the chosen one.The limited, sometimes broken, love of those who share our humanity can often point us to the truth of who we are: precious in God's eyes."

(from Life of the Beloved)

Love you Emily, you are a gift to my life and a beautiful example of the love of Christ to me every day. 
Thanks for being who you are and for loving me.

jane"


It was a perfect way to start my weekend, so I thought I'd share it with the rest of the world, too.

So grateful and amazed by the friends He puts in my life; grateful for the choice of what voices we listen to and His help in the choosing; grateful His voice will always say, 'You are mine'.

.soul food.

I made a retro-active budget today... I went through my checking account records for the last few months and split up everything I'd bought to see where my money went.

I excluded rent and textbooks, and put the rest in basic categories:

"Coffee (Chapters)", "Coffee (other)", "Books", "Going out to eat for fun", "Going out to eat because I didn't plan well" (clearly very different), "Fabric store", and "Because I am an idiot" (under which would fall a new cell phone because I somehow lost mine on a ten-minute errand and tragically late library books, among other things).

I was pleasantly surprised that for the amount of books I bought this semester (oops), the total wasn't too astronomical... yay for buying used!

So just now I may have accidentally bought another one I've had my eye on for awhile upon noticing there was a crazy-inexpensive copy on Amazon.

Justifying it to myself in my head,

"I mean, okay... I didn't really need this. And I need to save money the rest of the term...

but books weren't even the biggest part of where my money went this semester.

I spent WAY more money getting groceries.

Really, I should just buy less food."

It took me a good few seconds to realize I had actually just
articulated that to myself without a twinge of irony.

(In my currently-reading basket by my big chair currently:

rereading A Circle of Quiet

working my way through the stories in Fidelity

rereading One Thousand Gifts
The Whole-Brain Child for Lisa's book group)

 (Edited to add:

In the ten minutes since writing this post,

I may have bought one more.

Oops.

All right, I have a problem.)